“When it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I’m already better than them.”
― Marilyn Monroe
Why Do I Have to Be Judged?
Why are girls judged for not looking beautiful? Why can’t they get away with looking ugly? Who decides what is ugly or beautiful? Why are they expected to wear makeup to a date? Why should they have to date? Why should they have to get married? Why do they judged if they are single at 30? Why do they have to be pitied for being single on Valentine’s Day? Why do they have to be judged for drinking at a bar alone? Why do they have to be judged for being at a bar in the first place? Why are they expected to like “girly drinks”? Why are they expected to not have too many calories? Why do they have to work out? Why can’t they be fat? Why do they have to diet? Who makes the rules about looking good? What if they don’t want to look good all the time? Why are they expected to shave their legs? Why can’t they have bushy eyebrows? And why do they still have to wax underarms even if it hurts them or gives them allergies? Why are they expected to have a lighter complexion to look beautiful? To get a guy? Why is it normal to have a husband who makes more than them? Why is it normal to have a husband who is smarter than them? Who makes the rules about being normal? Why do they have to be what is considered “normal” by everyone? Why do they have to pretend to be dumber than they are? What if they don’t want to pretend? What if they don’t want their hair to look perfect? What if they don’t care about their hair being straight? Or silky? Or wavy? Or long? Or having hair at all? Why are they expected to have a beautiful cleavage? And not show it? Why are they judged for looking slutty? Why can’t they talk about certain topics? Why do they have to care about what people think? Why do they have to worry about people calling them names behind their backs? Do they have to worry at all?
“Who makes the rules about looking good?”
Why People Judge:
1. The #1 reason that people judge for is because what people have seen and experienced in life causes them to subconsciously make stereotypes. They try to fit things and people into those. This makes it easier for them to understand the world and make sense out of it. But one cannot fully understand a situation without knowing its story or reasons. Moreover, everyone’s perception of the reasons is different, and everyone’s version of the story is different.
2. Another reason is intolerance for what we think is wrong. People are all different, and different upbringings, backgrounds and tastes cause them to view certain things as wrong that others may perceive as right.
What To Do When You’re Being Judged:
1. Judgement can be both positive or negative. It can be toward anyone, men and women. If you see someone judging you negatively, understand that they haven’t walked in your shoes, so you can’t take their judgement seriously. Don’t let it affect you. Take it lightly and try to ignore it or laugh it off. You cannot explain your point of view to everyone, and you don’t need to. Instead, try to be around positive and encouraging people.
2. Don’t let it change yourself, the things you stand for and believe in. You don’t have to get pressured to do something you don’t care about. Keep being yourself. By letting someone doubt yourself, you are giving them the right to control you. And no one should have the right to control you or your emotions, least of all those who don’t even understand you well.
“Go ahead, judge me, be sure to be perfect for the rest of your life.”
Shilpa Ahuja a designer and entrepreneur. She is the editor-in-chief of ShilpaAhuja.com, which she founded with the goal of inspiring confidence in the modern working woman through fashion.
Fashion has traditionally been for the rich, white, thin woman. That’s how it evolved over centuries and that’s how it’s been represented in fashion media. But Shilpa believes that with the changing role of women in the society, fashion has changed, too. She believes that fashion is for everyone, regardless of their age, gender, color, body type and background. So she translates runway fashion into easy style advice that one can incorporate into their daily lives.
Shilpa’s work has been published in the University of Fashion blog and Jet Airways magazine. She is also an artist, illustrator and cartoonist. She is also the creator of Audrey O., a comic series that represents the lifestyle of millennial women. She enjoys creative writing and world travel. Her art has been exhibited at Harvard Graduate School of Design and the Aroma Hotel, Chandigarh and been published in Chandigarh Times.
Originally from Chandigarh, Shilpa also has a professional degree in architecture and has worked in interior project management. She is also the author of the book “Designing a Chinese Cultural Center in India”. Shilpa has a Masters in Design Studies degree from Harvard University. For feedback and questions, please email [email protected]