Trusting a partner is often the hardest part especially when those getting back into the dating scene. Whether you’ve been cheated or blind-sided in the past, it possible to work those trust issues with boyfriend. No.12 is crucial.
Let’s face it, you and I both know how much work it sometimes takes to make a relationship work. When we talk about maintaining a strong relationship, we often refer to building; which means improving communication, intimacy, and trust. Building communication and intimacy can be worked upon from scratch but building trust takes time especially when you have just walked into a new relationship.
Unfortunately, we often tend to carry trust issues from the past to the new one. If you’ve been hurt or cheated on in past relationships, it is possible that you may struggle with trust issues with your significant other. To avoid trust issues with boyfriend, you may work upon yourself as to what ticks you off. Once you recognize these trigger signs, you can try to mend your ways.
How to Deal with Trust Issues with Boyfriend
Here are the signs that you may be struggling with and how to deal with trust issues with boyfriend.
1. Stop Assuming Things
It’s totally natural to be excited and nervous about a fresh potential relationship but assuming things may blow things out of proportion. So take your time getting to know your partner by keeping communication open, and not often focusing too much on trivial matters.
Slow down things and focus on what’s right in front of you. If you often find yourself with underlying anxiety as to whether this new person really likes you or meant what they said, chances are you don’t fully trust him. It’s a good idea to be logical enough to correct your own thoughts.
2. Give and Take Clarity
Are you constantly bickering but end up leaving the matter behind when it’s confrontation time? This is not healthy at all. If you have trust issues with boyfriend then you may have an urge to move out of the relationship – to protect yourself or leave before they make the call. If this fight or flight feeling is similar to your story, then acknowledging it will be the first step for you to unpack. When this gut feeling comes into play, you begin to have clarity within your relationship.
3. Don’t Push Him Away
Your past relationship may have given you enough reason to become doubtful or suspicious. They may have done so by cutting off contact, doing the disappearing act, or being inconsistent. Of course, there’s no excuse for it. But if you still find yourself being on guard even with him being 100% attentive, that’s often due to trust issues with boyfriend.
You don’t wish to push your beau away with it – because if you constantly judge them, they may start pulling away or get resentful. To avoid this, tell him that you’re struggling. Let your boyfriend that you appreciate his efforts and the whole situation has nothing to do with him but it’s something you’re working on.
4. Take Ownership of Bad Feelings
You may be having pangs of insecurity often, which is quite normal. But, when it comes to being jealous in a relationship, it may actually stir a rift between you and your boyfriend. Insecurity to an extent is healthy as it makes you value your partner. But if the insecurity level becomes too much, it may turn the relationship toxic. If a similar issue is taking a toll between you and your partner then you should start working on your self-esteem. Trust not only yourself but your partner as well. You may practice trust by being emotionally and physically present in the relationship, and by taking ownership of insecurities.
5. Don’t Use the Past as Baggage
Try not to take your experiences of the past relationship as baggage. You’re not alone in this. We all go through a relationship that teaches us things. Trust issues with boyfriend may be mended by using these experiences positively to identify values that you expect from a relationship and communicate with your new boyfriend about it. At the same time, be realistic about your approach. You don’t wish to let the pain of the past drive you towards being needy. A good way to start is by being honest and open with your boyfriend.
6. Don’t Compare Him to your Ex
This is a serious mistake most of us do. Regardless of how much love we have for our present partner, what causes trust issues with boyfriend is we often get flashbacks of our ex. It happens to the best of us and sometimes, it’s not a big deal. But it becomes a problem when you start comparing your feelings for your boyfriend without any reason. It’s important to accept that it takes time to develop intimacy levels to a certain degree. You don’t want to waste time comparing a new partner to an ex that already had the chance to be close with you.
7. Be Respectful while Communicating
Figuring on how to communicate with your significant other about your past can be quite challenging. You might wonder how to open up, while also keeping an open mind to what the other person is trying to tell you. Practice respectful communication. Make time to share, listen, and reflect on the words. If you wish to learn how to fix trust issues in a relationship then remain genuine, honest, and respectful may take time, but it will make a positive impact in the long run.
8. Talk about your Expectations
While it may be intimidating, it helps to talk with your new boyfriend about your expectations, and how your past experiences of being cheated have affected you. Try to learn how their last relationship ended and if infidelity had a role in it. If he has been cheated on by his ex then you both can easily get on the same page with feelings for someone else. Clearing this early on the relationship will allow you to manage the trust issues with boyfriend when they come up.
9. Understand the Risk Factor
It’s understandable when you get protective of your heart after someone breaks your trust. Letting someone new in makes you question a lot about the person. You may wonder if he is really worth taking the risk to start anew. And most of the time, it is worth it. So stop analyzing every small detail and enjoy the moments together.
10. Be Self-Aware of False Triggers
Do not become irrationally paranoid over anything and start grilling your new guy whenever he goes out or doesn’t answer your texts. Often this action comes when you expect him to betray you. Frankly, it’s something you need to get over with. If he is actively trying to work through the relationship, it’s time you stop putting a strain on it.
11. Give Him the Benefit of the Doubt
The classic signs of a woman with trust issues are snooping on your guy. Do you constantly get the feeling that your boyfriend is cheating on you? Do you read their texts or break into their call record lists? Do you doubt them to the extent that they don’t really deserve it? If this is the case, then you’ve got serious trust issues with boyfriend that may eventually affect your relationship. Hear what your guy has to say about it, especially when you’re just suspecting without any cause. The tendency to snoop may be more of what’s playing on your head rather than your guy’s behavior.
12. Allow Space
The idea of giving space is often plagued with unwanted feelings-usually one in the relationship gets offended when the other asks for space. If you have been caught in a similar situation and frequently wonder about the underlying message, my advice to you is, don’t worry about it.
Giving space is healthy and it does not mean your guy loves you less. In fact, emotional and physical distance from your boyfriend will nurture your relationship as it will offer that sense of independence and make your relationship stronger.
Take mine, for example. I admit that my personal relationship with my significant other is one of the most important relationships in my life. But I still give him some breathing room. I’m supportive of his work and he’s supportive of mine- But our hobbies are not forcefully aligned, and that’s okay.
13. Be Mindful of your Boyfriend’s Needs
I’ll tell you another instance of a close friend of mine. He cherishes the time spent with his partner and often tells me how fulfilling it is. But when it comes to exchanging his outside interests like work and time out with friends, his girl isn’t too excited about the secret single behavior. This is a very common issue in relationships but not one that cannot be dealt with. Allowing your partner to expand their circle of interest and friends will certainly keep the spark alive in the relationship.
14. Act Confident
It’s natural to feel insecure at times. But most of the trust issues in relationships arise when one is not confident enough. Believe that you deserve the best and that you’re capable of being fully loved.
Especially when things are going smoothly, and you wish to take a giant leap into the relationship, it’s easy to begin losing that confidence you had during your initial few dates. But you don’t need to always show your insecurities, as everyone wants a confident partner, and sometimes it’s necessary to act cool. There are small steps you can do to keep your confidence soaring like enjoying the moment, doing fun things, being honest about who you are, and being your own biggest fan.
15. Do Not Taunt
Let’s say you’ve been caught in a situation where you irritated with your partner’s ways but they’re in the worst mood themselves. So how would you deal with it? You may be let down as you were all hyped up to having a good time together, only to find that your guy was not on the same page. Try to understand that his foul mood has nothing to do with you, and it’s best to take a step back, make a joke about it to lighten the situation. Pick another time to talk. You can’t resolve trust issues with boyfriend on the fly.
16. Take it Easy
Don’t think of it as a life or death situation. The best way to move forward in a relationship is to never think that your relationship is the center of your life. Be cool about it – it’s just a part of life. You may keep overthinking things, but there’s no point over-discussing your insecurities with him. Take your self-care time seriously and do not compromise.
17. Don’t Be Quick to Get Angry
Don’t react when your head is full of anger – take some time off and de-stress, spend time doing your fave things, or with your girlfriends. When you’re cool, then discuss it, as you’ll be less likely to pick a fight and more likely to believe his side of the story.
18. Trust your Gut
It’s a good idea to believe his story (trust is very important in relationships), but your first and most important relationship is with yourself. So if you feel something’s amiss, then you’ll just have to deal with the fact that your boyfriend MAY be hiding something or lying to you.
It depends on case to case and one can’t generalize these things or create rules. After all, you’ll have to listen to your heart and do what feels right. It’s important to understand that 100% of relationships end in happily ever after. You’ll just have to trust yourself, wait, and let fate take control!
Can a Relationship Ever be Completely Free of Trust Issues?
No. As we don’t live in a Utopian world, understand that we’re never fully confident even years into a relationship. Everyone is a bit insecure at times and it’s a part of being in a relationship. So your goal shouldn’t be to nitpick each and every trust issue with your boyfriend, but to have a general feeling of trust and comfort.
So these are the many ways you can resolve conflicts with your boyfriend and fix them. Once you realize where your trust issues with boyfriend are getting triggered, you may self-examine yourself on how to deal with them.
The first step is to talk with your significant other and let them know where you’re struggling. This will correct the trust issues early on in the relationship. Then, always be honest about things and where they start. If you think this is something you can handle on your own, then put some efforts towards working on it. If you keep failing, don’t be afraid to speak with your family or friends for advice. Remember that recognizing the issue is the first step towards healing.
Are you struggling with your current relationship too or have overcome it? We would love to hear it out. You can also leave a shout-out by tweeting @shilpa1ahuja!
Lima Aier is a Staff Writer overseeing #content pertaining to latest news, fashion, beauty, and red carpet dressing. Prior to ShilpaAhuja.com, she started her career as a B2B writer which helped her quickly understand the business lingo and channel work around SEO articles for different writing spheres like financial services, education, marketing/advertising, software technology, and healthcare. Surely this experience fostered awareness around business writing, but it was her sweet spot for fashion and keen eye for trends that made her transition into fashion writing. The intersection of the business writing skills to working on current fashion gave her the added bonus to be adaptable for handling a number of client’s style.
She did Bachelors and Masters in English from North Eastern Hill University. In addition, she obtained a Diploma in Creative Writing. Originally from Dimapur, Nagaland, Lima loves staying up to date in current culture news, be it movies, music, or social media. When she isn’t staring at an accessible screen, you can find her spending way too much napping or trying new beauty products.
She can be contacted at [email protected]